I was going through my Google photos the other night while putting together a baby book for Annabelle and came across some pictures I’ve never shared so in remembrance of her first year I thought I’d share a few behind the scenes moments of being a first time Mom and newborn life…Oh my goodness you guys. This was when Annabelle was obviously super tiny still and I took her to a breastfeeding support class in my area for advice and for a lactation consultant to check our latch and evaluate her tongue/lip tie. Lets just say I was a ball of hormones and emotions and when I went to the class it seemed as if every mother were pros at breastfeeding and I was the only one struggling. All the other babies were plump and happy and I felt like such a failure. Right after the class I went to my car and bawled my eyes out. It was horrible! I’m sharing this picture because this is my honest truth…there were many moments like this during my first year of motherhood. Me…in my car…crying or me in my apartment crying…me in my bathroom crying, you get the gist. Being a first time Mom is HARD. I don’t care if you know someone who knows someone or your best friend says its easy!! NO. It’s not. It’s hard more often times than it’s easy. Breastfeeding doesn’t come naturally for almost anyone. You have to practice and get better and be educated in it. Friends are life. If I didn’t have my close friends, I don’t know what I’d do. I grew apart from most of my friends this past year. Maybe because they don’t have babies or because they couldn’t at all understand what I was going through, but it happened. I think it’s normal, but like most things this year I wasn’t prepared for it. Two friends in particular stuck by me through it all. The good, the bad, the crying. Even though they know hardly anything about infants/breastfeeding, they were always there and I’ll never forget that. They were my rocks! Ahhh speaking of breastfeeding. It truly is one of the best things to have ever happened to me. I’ll never forget the moments of A falling asleep after nursing. It is an indescribable experience and pure Heaven.

My Mom as a grandma (grandmu) to A was one of the most fulfilling things for me to see this year.

Family naps <3 I’m always awake though as I don’t take naps;)

Ohhhh the nights we rocked her to sleep. I almost cringe at the thought of me trying to explain my method of ‘sleep training’ or lack there of. You either get it or you don’t, but if you can’t tell, I can’t stand to let my baby cry. Call me a hover Mom or that I coddle her too much…guess what, you’re right! Those nights of breaking my legs and back are 100% worth it to me. She knows we are there for her around the clock and if you’ve ever had a baby fall asleep on your chest…well, it’s the best feeling ever.

That damn chariot…

Me and A in a park overlooking the ocean in Manhattan Beach. We’ve had such a special time living here on the coast.

Hot summer days at my parents house spent in the backyard playing in a kiddy pool:)

More sleeping pictures because lets be honest, my phone consists of 99% of them.

Notice her chubbiness change. This is before crawling…

After crawling. She’s leaning out!:(