Ahh it’s been a minute since I’ve done a legit, let it all out, transparent blog post, but here I am again.

It’s currently 9:34pm and I’m laying here next to sleeping Scarlett with the rain sound turned up high so she doesn’t hear the sound of my keyboard clicking. This is procrastination at it’s finest, but I’m thinking that maybe it’s necessary for me to do right now in this moment.

Andddd she just rolled on my arm. This may be a challenge;)

There are so many things I don’t share anymore on my YouTube channel and that is due to a few reasons I keep private, but I thought I would write a blog post updating my real OG online friends..because you guys MATTER and I know you’re the ones that read these posts!

In no particular order…

We have to move. I’m sure you saw one of my latest videos explaining everything, but the more I think about it the more saddened I get…BUT!! I try and not let it get to me! I know God has a way of working things out in His own timing so I’m trusting that! With that being said, I’m really not sure where we should be looking to rent for the next 1-2 years. I know that’s such a short amount of time so in the end I know it won’t matter, but I want to make sure our girls are comfortable and that it’s a safe area.

Right now we live in North Orange County and we love love love it. The community we live in is so perfect for where we are in life right now and we are actually thinking about buying in the area when we finally reach our goal for a downpayment on a home, but it’s insanity. Homes in this area for 3-4 beds are upper 750k-850k. So we have a little while to go! I’m hoping it will happen within the next 1-2 years though, but I know life is crazy. We may decide to prolong this dream if we decide to invest in another business venture. It’s frustrating sometimes because since where we live is so expensive, we don’t want to “throw” all our money into our first ever home just to own a home when we could very well put that money into a business where we could see the return almost immediately…rather than wait 10-15 years etc.

But now that we have Scarlett I can really see where happiness lies. As far as “material” things it’s not having a flashy lifestyle or living in a baller community, it’s really just being able to afford the stability of it all aka a house to make our own, a familiar setting, and having a real community we feel apart of for them to grow into. Almost all of that comes with owning a home and we get that. Rentals just aren’t the same. We’ve been living this life for so long and are over it, but we have to be patient.

We are so blessed to live where we do. So many people tell us to live somewhere affordable, but living here is all we know (sort of). The weather is glorious and there are so so many conveniences of SoCal. There are an infinite number of things do to and the beauty is everywhere! We still aren’t sure if it’s our forever place though. We can’t stay that for sure since we haven’t been everywhere!

So I keep looking everyday and hope to find a golden gem one of these days just until we buy!

Other than that…

Life has been CRAZY lately. You probably saw this on this post.

Just for starters, I have an endless to-do list that overwhelms me on a daily basis. Remember when I said Doug was “going back to work” in the sense that he would be gone 8-5 and I would be the one watching the girls most of the time? Well, things have shifted again. Honestly in this stage of life I’ve given up updating the vlog just because until we find a routine that’s stable enough, I would be doing an update weekly which is insane! ha.

Juggling our businesses and the girls is always a wild ride and things are never predictable. So, I’m back to working more! I always mention here and there how difficult it is for me to find balance. Mainly because I have an intense amount of Mom guilt and when either of them are around I don’t want to work because it means not giving them my full attention which is what comes most natural to me. People also tell me to just stop working and focus my all on the girls, but we live in one of the most expensive places in the US. This is just not an option, at least right now;) We choose this life and we did initially because my parents were here (they still are-haven’t moved yet!). So I knew I’d have to post more sponsors and start a new business to live comfortably raising these two humans. I can definitely say it’s been worth it, but it does come at a price for sure.

Onto my newest goal, as you may know I’m creating a YouTube course for people wanting to grow their channels. It has been by far the biggest learning curve I’ve undergone. Creating an email list, learning how to create the perfect “opt-in”, learning what an “opt-in” even is!?, creating a course from scratch that is around 10 hours, drafting a sales page, planning content for a brand NEW channel, listing out actionable goals for the next year+….

It’s wild because when I first started my main channel it was for FUN! Ha. I laugh at this concept now! Although creating content is fun in a sense, the whole meaning behind it has changed for me now because the real “fun” I crave in my life is being with my girls. Nothing else amounts to the joy I get than the mundane daily life that is raising them, so creating anything is seen as work now. I did have a period early this year where I felt saddened by this fact and this is me baring it all. I’m eternally grateful for sharing my life (and I always will!!), but I knew it was time to pivot so eventually I could spend more time soaking up these baby days and less time filming.

I’m so hesitant to put that out there because I never want people to think I don’t enjoy creating content or connecting with you because I DO! Just not at the amount I have been for years.

After complaining to Doug every night about how I wanted to spend less time filming and more time with the girls, we came up with a plan. I could do what I love that would be more passive and less active and we’ve been working on it every.single.day…for months. We are finally at the end of it all and once this course has been released it will be the biggest relief of life. On par with graduating from business college!

This course is everything I wish I had. Helping coach people through finding success on YouTube has the ability to drastically change people’s lives. This platform has enabled my husband to quit his job, stay at home with our girls, and hopefully retire my own Mother soon! I know it can do the same for so many people and it’s my calling to give back in this way.

For more life related stuff….

We hired a nanny M,W,F from 8-12. She’s amazing! I still to get the Mom guilt though, even though I’m at home. I honestly don’t know if it will ever go away! She takes Annabelle to the park while Scarlett naps and I work and when they get back all three of them play together while I film/work. It’s only been a week though. We’ve still not used her time for date nights/ a relaxing period of time because we are in the grinding phase right now. We will probably consider it after the course launches!

My parents are moving about 8 hours away. They say they will drive up to visit once a month, but I know that will be difficult on everyone eventually. Life is crazy! I still have hopes we can retire them and we can all live near each other once day! I truly believe you can have ANY life you want if you work hard enough and believe in yourself. You just have to reframe your mind:)

Boy we are in the THICK of parenting. I found myself Googling marriage/parenting survival tips during the toddler phase of life. Annabelle turns 3 in December and it’s been rough lately. She whines about everything it seems. I find her mood is better on the days we go to the park and I wear her out, but it gets draining on me to shlep both of them all around the park day after day, but we are all better for it once we get home and they take long naps (or any nap at all from Annabelle!). I’m trying so hard to find the joy in everyday. As you guys know I love reading parenting books and understanding a child’s development so I can better empathize with her state. It’s helped us immensely. Because I’m able to take responsibility for her mood, for my expectations, and for the outcome of a situation, I’m better in control and that has helped me manage my response to things. For instance, today she had a full on tantrum because she couldn’t have a lollypop at the store (she had already had a cookie at home beforehand). Instead of threatening her or bribing her to leave the store, I literally sat on the ground with her and helped her work through her emotions. I knew that it was because I didn’t prioritize her nap that day that she was acting out of tiredness, so I could see through her tantrum to the real cause of it, but like anyone, I’m not a perfect mother. There are days when she tries to wake her sister up from her nap that I want to throw her out the car window!!! HA. But I don’t of course;) Parenting is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but nothing worth having comes easy! It’s so totally worth it.

Well, that’s all the updates I have for you guys today! I wrote this in one go so I gotta briefly proof it..and also go eat some cereal because I had a tiny bean and cheese burrito for dinner and I’m starved! Thank you ALL for your support. For following me even if I do sponsorships, for following even if I don’t have a consistent upload schedule, for following even if I’m having an off day. You are my people!!! Thank YOU. Love you all! xx